Settling in…

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October 20, 2011 by Melissa

I don’t know what I was expecting.  I had prepared myself, somewhat, to be overwhelmed, pushed to the brink, tired, and frustrated.  I knew it would be a different ball game being home with two kids and I did have a few moments of sheer panic our first day home as a foursome but it really hasn’t been as bad as all that.  My husband, Chris, and I knew to plan ahead-that he would get up with Lucy so I could sleep in if needed and I made a list of daily things I could use help with.  Within just a few days, it seemed as if Alice has been here all along.  Obviously there have been times when I’m pulled in a million directions and I’m sure there will be upcoming blog entries with lots of expletives and venting about how hard it can be, but we’re rolling along like it’s been this way the whole time.

There were a few things that I hadn’t expected, however.  The first was the level of grief I experienced in being done with Lucy having me all to herself.  I had a few really hard days-I felt horrible that I shook her world to the core in such a way.  I was also sad for myself-Lucy and I have a lot of fun together and had our set routines.  It would be a while, if ever, for that routine to come back and my attention would be divided.  Now I knew I was giving Lucy the incredible gift of a sibling and Alice was already a part of our family as much as any one of us, but I still felt the loss.  Once I recognized that was indeed what I was feeling, it eased.

I also hadn’t expected the difference in the time it took to really feel connected with Alice.  With Lucy my husband and I both felt an immediate bond with her as soon as she was born but it was different with Alice, to be honest.  It took a few days for me and a few days more for Chris.  Now that I’ve told people about this, I’ve heard lots of varying time frames for when people felt that connection.  We just weren’t expecting it to be different and it made us feel horrible.  We now, of course, are head over heels in love with this kid.  Who knew your heart could grow so big?

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