January 26, 2012 by Carin
Being a mom is hard, probably the hardest job I will ever have. I always knew that when I had children I wanted to stay home with them for the main reason that I didn’t want anyone spending more time with my children than me. (Working moms out there, this is not meant to make you feel guilty.) Essentially I didn’t want anyone else raising my kids while I went to work everyday just to pay for daycare. I wanted to be the one imparting rights vs. wrong, our morals, code of conduct and beliefs. I wanted to be the one to experience the firsts for each child. The first roll, crawl, step and word; all those first milestones that melt a parent’s heart.
Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t easy and some days I wished I did work and could just drop the kids at daycare. The what feels like constant crying from the teething 8 month old, the tantrums from the 2.5 year old when it comes time to clean up her blocks and constantly having to repeat myself a million times a day just to get a small action completed can really drive a parent to submission. Yes, sometimes it would be easier to just let the blocks stay on the floor, or skip explaining why we don’t yell at each other or why hitting it wrong. But who better to learn those things from then their parent through word and action. I want to be the one to teach them those valuable lessons and sometimes I screw up. I have been know to raise my voice at Grace to get her attention, even though I tell her to not yell at me. When I have a chance to calm myself down, I apologize and let her know that I was wrong and that I should not yell at her. Does this happen every time? To be honest, No. But when I do I am teaching her to recognize when a mistake has been made and that when you respect someone, you admit you were wrong. The simple lessons of life might not settle in right away, but through time and consistency, I hope my children will learn from me to be kind, considerate, loving and respectful.
There are days when I feel like I have made more mistakes and parented wrong then parented right and made good choices and like the quote above says, I try to forgive myself and tell myself that tomorrow I will have more patience, listen better, spend less time on Facebook or email and pay more attention to my children. Does it always happen? No, but sometimes it does. Everyday is different with different stressors, experiences and attitudes. Mistakes happen everyday, but everyday those mistakes deserve forgiveness. Hopefully by the time my children really remember our days together, I will have learned to parent better, make less mistakes and do everything right…YEAH RIGHT!
In the end I will have been home for the “firsts”, taught my children some lessons, learned some myself as well as hopefully learning how to forgive myself for all the parenting mistakes made along the way.