January 31, 2012 by Melissa
I had my worst day of parenting yet a few weeks ago, and in the midst of that day there came a few seconds where I wanted to leave. Please don’t get me wrong: I’d never in a million years leave my girls or my husband. I just wanted to remove myself from that situation so I had a momentary fantasy of handing the baby to Chris when he walked through the door and me running to the car and driving away. Lucy hadn’t slept well, Alice hadn’t been sleeping well for a few days, thus I hadn’t slept well. Lucy was bored and highstrung (a poor combination). I was at my wit’s end with trying to find fun and educational activities to occupy her while holding Alice and swaying back and forth to calm her down. There was literally a moment when I was standing with Alice, rocking back and forth in a feeble attempt to get her to nap one more time, my hair pulled out of my ponytail as Lucy had wanted to play with it and I didn’t have a free hand to fix it, and Lucy was running circles around me yelling and singing. It was a caricature of a mom losing it. In that moment I understood why some moms leave and why others drink or do drugs. I got it. Now, I felt guilty for these thoughts, making me want to cry on top of everything else. So I closed my eyes and thought of everything I loved about my life, took some deep breaths, and I soldiered on. I got some paint and paper out for Lucy to play with, put some music on for us all, grabbed a rocking chair and a pacifier and pushed through until Alice was sleeping and Lucy was calm. Then I got a cup of coffee and sat still for a moment or two before my husband came home and I could tell him about it and we could laugh about it together. A few days later I got a text from Gina who was having a similar day and we talked-made each other laugh and know that we weren’t alone in this. I do have a beautiful life and it’s sometimes the crazy moments that make me realize it.