February 21, 2012 by Melissa
Most people I know will think I’m lying when I say that I’m having some postpartum issues. I haven’t let it be known to hardly anyone outside of my home. While I don’t think it’s depression, we do call it my melancholy around the house. I’m just not the same lately. While most days I’m fine, there are some that are downright stormy in my head. It took a while for me to figure out what was going on. I wasn’t depressed as I knew that word to be-I’m happy to be with my girls each day and to spend time with my husband. I never think about harming myself or others. I make plans with others and look forward to seeing them. As I said, most days are fine. There are just some days where heavy and dark storm clouds move in and it’s hard for me to think, I get snippy and easily frustrated, I feel inadequate at every single thing I do. I just want to sit and brood and cry. I don’t know if it’s a combination of being a little tired, my hormones regulating, or am just adjusting to having two kids and no time for myself.
I’m normally a very cheerful, silver lining, bright side of life kind of girl and these last few months have been difficult for me to understand. I feel like there isn’t a logical reason for me to be sad. I have two healthy happy kids, a wonderful husband, great friends and family. But I get, now, how there normally isn’t a reason. It just is what it is. What I wasn’t prepared for was that it would rear it’s head months after giving birth-that’s why it took me quite a while to figure out what was going on.
I think it is getting better. I’ve talked to my doctor and she wants me to wait to see if it’ll even out as neither of us think it’s dangerous. I’m at the point this time when I got postpartum thyroiditis after having Lucy so it may be that and it will even out here soon. I’m not keen on taking medication so am trying to get outside every day, eat lots of veggies and good food (although we did just buy some Girl Scout cookies-how could we not) and take care of myself-at least go through the motions.