February 24, 2012 by Gina
I have a really funny husband (at least he thinks he’s funny!). Brian has a great sense of humor and it is sometimes stupid, sometimes dry and sometimes in-your-face. His ability to make me laugh is one of the things I love most about him. We’ve been married for four years and together for 8 so I’ve heard about every joke in his repertoire. They sometimes still make me laugh – I just can’t help myself. My dad thinks Brian is especially funny. I remind him often that he’s just a new audience for Brian!
So, on this Friday, I’d like to share a few of Brian’s funny sayings or funny things he has said to me. I hope they are funny in print, since you won’t get the full effect of his expressions and inflection.
“What happened? Did you have your make-up gun set to whore?” – usually heard when I come out of the bathroom or if I ask him if my makeup looks okay before some special occasion. I don’t even wear much makeup so this is especially funny to me.
“If you were a heifer, we’d mate you with a bull known to produce large calves and breed that smallness right out of you” – Brian grew up on a dairy farm. My response to this comment, “Umm, honey, what do you think is happening here?” I’m 4’11’’ and Brian is six feet and weighs about 220. We’re breeding out the smallness.
“That’s very common in all mammals. Often one quarter will out-produce the other three quarters combined” – in response to my comment that my left breast produced more milk than the right breast. Again, he grew up on a dairy farm. I’m used to being compared to a cow. It’s kind of endearing in a way.
“Boring!” – used in just about any situation
“Honey, did you blow bubbles when you were younger?” My response the first time was, of course, affirmative. To which Brian responded, “Yeah, that’s what he told me”. I know enough now just to ignore this stupid (but sometimes funny) question.
“Two went hunting, one came home” – said to the cat numerous times. He probably said it this morning after Flint tipped Brian’s tea over into the drain. I wasn’t awake at 5:45 when it happened, but I got a note about it on the kitchen counter. Should I put Flinters in time out? Do you think he’d sit there for 7 minutes?
There are lots of other funny things my husband does and says but some of them are not fit for printing and other’s I’ve chosen to forget. Sometimes we’re crying and feeling overwhelmed with kids, jobs or whatever. But most of the time, we’re laughing, even if it’s at ourselves!