#3, or, Good God, I Hope I’m Ready For This

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November 12, 2012 by Melissa

Many of you already know this but I’m currently almost 12 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby. My husband had told me for years that he only wanted two kids and he became more sure of this after we had our Lucy as we became educated in what it takes to be a parent. I have always wanted three kids. I grew up with two siblings and loved the dynamic that that situation brings to a family, but I knew I couldn’t force Chris on this so was preparing myself to be done after having Alice. I mentally said my goodbyes to pregnancy, breastfeeding, and babyhood milestones as Alice grew.

We had a garage sale in June and sold the majority of our baby stuff and all my maternity clothes and I was preparing myself mentally for getting my resume prepared and ready to send out as we had agreed that I’d be home for Alice’s first year and then would try to get back to work. Then one day in July, Chris turned to me and said, “I don’t think our family is done.” BOMB. SHELL. “What?” I said, laughing. He laughed too and said he really thought we were missing another piece. He had seen a little boy at the airport and found himself wondering what it would be like if we had a son. I asked him if he wanted a son or another baby and he said he didn’t know. So I told him he needed to figure that out before we talked further because we were sure to have a girl if we would try for a boy and I didn’t want him disappointed in that possibility. So he thought for a few days and I tried my damnest to not get excited about having another baby, being pregnant again, introducing someone new to my girls.

“I want another baby,” is what he finally concluded. He got just as excited thinking about another girl as having a boy so we took some deep breaths, laughed nervously for several days, I finished breastfeeding Alice, we took our fun trip to Vegas and, a month later, I had a positive pregnancy test.

To tell the truth, I’m a little freaked out, much as I was when I was pregnant with Alice. I already feel like I don’t give enough of myself or my time to my two girls and I’m adding a needy baby to the mix? I feel like I’m shortchanging Alice as she will only by 19 months old when #3 comes home. Can I handle three kids at home with me? Am I patient enough? Am I a good enough mom? How dare we think we can try having another healthy baby when we have two healthy kids already?

I know many of these thoughts will ease up, especially once I start feeling this little one and we have a name picked out. And everyone tells me it’s easier going from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2. God I hope that’s true. I’m nervous and guilty. But then I think about growing up with two brothers and how great that was and how phenomenal it is now and that eases my mind and comforts me immensely.

Anyone have advice on how to handle this upcoming transition? Anyone getting rid of any baby stuff?

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