March 25, 2013 by Melissa
I know every pregnancy is frought with anxiety and worry but, I gotta tell you, this third pregnancy has been, by far, the most worrisome for me. I don’t know what it is but I’m constantly worrying about how this little girl is doing and growing, how labor will go, if she and I will be fine. I don’t know if that now I am fully aware of all that could be lost or if I’m more aware of all the things that could go wrong.
I found myself on a particularly horrible downward spiral a few weeks ago worrying about something happening to me during or after delivery and my girls growing up without me. What gives? I remember worrying only about the pain of delivering when I was pregnant with Lucy, not these horrible hypothetical scenarios.
I know part of it is that when I was delivering Alice, her shoulders got stuck for a bit and the situation got scary fast as the room got quiet and I was told to push and not stop cause they needed to get that kid out “now.” How quickly your frame of mind can change and how fast it can go from normal to emergency. Alice popped out and all was well but that scenario sticks with me.
I find myself pleading with this child, Sally, to stay in there until she’s at least 37 weeks. I know she’d be fine with some intensive care but it all scares me. I know I’m a strong person and can overcome a lot but when it comes to my kids, I feel like a little one myself, needing someone to tell me it will all be ok, which, of course, no one can say with certainty.
Anyone have experience with this? Am I the only one?
What’s up with this?